So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
