Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
