I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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