Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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