Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
