I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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