i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
