got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
