I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
