I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
