You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
