there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
