I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
