It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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