I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm eating all of the evidence.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
