Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
