she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
