I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
