A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize
