Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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