i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
