My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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