I feel great
I just peed on a car
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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