It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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