it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
