So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
