I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
