I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
