Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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