I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
