How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
