A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's shark week go big or go home
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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