Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
