it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
