batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
