I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
