Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
