You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
