hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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