Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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