Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
