After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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