I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
