Tell her she can't have a vagina
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
