So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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