i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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