well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize