Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
These tits shall not be calmed
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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