One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
