They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
