yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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