You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
