found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
