covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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