She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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