genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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