: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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