Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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