Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
