You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
