when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
