Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
