I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you didnt know i had herpes?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
