I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
