I can tuck mytits in my pants
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
