There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
