I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
