Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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