he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
