I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
