aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
