She announced her abortion via fbk
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
