It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
