Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My breasts were aching with rage.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
