The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
