I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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