Can Purell be used as lube?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
