You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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