dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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