omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
