Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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