I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
