I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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