did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
