Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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