I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
