i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
