You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
